unequal land ownership remains the primary structural defect of this society.

sana maintindihan ko din ang mga libro ni haruki murakami.

and so the rhetorician has yet again finished another piece of prose that practically had me hyped-up all over. the first piece was about an epilogue (though i really think he meant prologue) where he practically introduced his main character: an extraorsdinary boy in his teen years laden with sort of existensial anguish, who has a lot in his mind. the piece did not really have a plot, just a mere writing exercise if you'll ask me. but reading into it, i admired the way he built up his character. or at least his character's psyche. yes, its like describing a full blown rose basing on how the bud looks like, i know. but the way he has written that part tells me there's something more to expect. hmm. i'd like to think he based the character on himself. i have always sensed the extra-ordinariness. you couldnt miss it. anyway.

the second piece is a much longer one, a harry potter-meets-LOTR type of thing. i dunno, what is it about this genre (what do you call it anyway?) that makes adolescent men enamored to it? this kinda reminds of a freshman friend who once had me read his work and asked me to make comments about it. i forgot already what i told him but for sure i just BSed my way out of it. haha. anyway as i was saying.. there. this second piece is the more impressive of the two. not only is it more difficult to conceptualize, i think the technical stuff (you know, coming up with names for those characters and places and things and whatnot)  involved with this type of genre makes it all the more worthy of notice. or maybe, im just so hyped right now i dunno what im writing about anymore. hoo-hoo. but really.

now im thinking, will the rhetorician be a better off as a poet, or as a story teller? i dunno. i like his poems. i like how he's able to capture the emotions and lock them using select words. or maybe its because... never mind. on the other hand, im just beginning to get a grip on his prose. but im not disappointed yet. so lets just see. lets all hope that the rhetorician writes more.

i have always  known myself  for changing my mind the last minute. even for associating an unnamed feeling with a known one closest to it. then i blog things off, or yak it ou to close friends.  then after a period of brooding over, i come to realize that some statements, written or oral, are no longer true. then friends would roll their eyes over.

earlier today i realized im still head over heels over the rhetorician. not having seen him for months did not do anything to keep the feeling down. it just did what's otherwise.

kagabi, nung nakapagdesisyon na akong hindi na papasok, ikaw lang ang naisip ko. pinipilit na isiksik ang ideya ng pagpasok para makita ka lang. pero tapos na. sabay ng pag-iwan sa putanginang mga tawag mula sa southcentral, tatapusin ko na rin ang bawat ilusyong nagsisimula nang humiwa sa aking puso. paalam rhetorician.

im currently listening to noel cabangon now. how soothing this guy's voice is! just amazing. writes really good songs too. galing galing.

in other news:

hmm.. i dunno. was that just initial thrill? was it? bakit parang nagwea-weaken na? hmm..

a few minutes into taking a seat inside the lipa-bound bus, hallen came.

hallen is the gay man of the world.

he's the physical anti-thesis of the stereotypical bakla.

but he doesnt care.

he lives his life the way he wants.

then i thought, maybe if i could be like hallen.

and live the exciting life.

then maybe, just maybe.

i'd have what it takes,

to create rhymes and images.

i lack life. i lack the drive.

i lack the courage to defy gravity.

and by the way, this isnt poetry.

two nights ago, i woke up to a chest splitting cough and fever. i could feel the phlegm stuck somewhere in my torso and no matter how hard i cough it out, it just sticks there undusturbed.with each effort to purge my chest clean of the icky thing, my chest felt like being stabbed with a blunt knife. the pain was horrible. add to that the fever that really made me weak. then i thought: i haver a reason not to go to work.

i woke up somewtime around 3 am and immediately looked for a phone (my phone was stolen a few weeks back and i havent felt the urgency to buy my cousin's extra phone) and giver my supervisor a call. but all my cousins' phones had no credits so ended up bringing one and taking a tric ride to the nearest open store. caloocan at a serene night is a feeling to behold. i liked hearing the sound of the tric as it unapologetically disturbed the night. i liked the feel of the night breeze slap my face. the ride was definitely worth it.

so there. with a little creative thinking i was able to get my sup's number and send the message. which was good. coz ive had two absences already.

later that day, i was able to have my work shoes fixed and i was able to obtain a med cert. i was advised by the doctor to rest for another day, much to my delight. but then again i began to miss the wave. i miss the wave.

in other news:

i've been trying to woo Poetry again. okay. i know that in the past i have come to terms with the fact that i did not have it in me to create metaphors and rhymes and images. that maybe the feeble attempts in tyhe past were not good enough to actually become good at it. and hell yes, that the very reason for this current hype is just over a guy (yes, manbitch zy. i admit.) who has a way with words.

but i dont care. i realize all these facts and my only defese is this: regardless of the reason/s, i am trying to make something work here. i will go and play with metaphors and create images. until when, i have no idea. but i will do them now. and that's the only thing that should matter.

in other other news:

it's very nice to feel that kilig feeling all over again. wahahaha. kudos to the rhetorician. :D

i like it that you're sensible. i like it that behind the attempts to appear regular, your extra-ordinariness emanates without effort. i like you. i really do.

i may not have noticed it at first. my bad.

i am annoyed. so fucking annoyed. someone in the office was just behaving so childishly and was accusing me of making her look stupid or something. which is so not the case. yes she had done mistakes and i pointed that out. but that's just the thing you do when so people wont make the same mistake right?! she accused me of using a quite mocking tone when i say things but wtf, that's the tone i employ since she and i are friends! i mean you go out to lunch and yosi breaks together. you know that carefree tone you use when you talk to your friends?! that's just it.

so now, she's blurbing fucking things about me being judgemental of her. me?! judgemental?! wtf. she transitioned to me an account whose dashboard is so oversimplified that essential info are missing, whose contents are erratic and insufficient. now i have to re-do the whole fucking thing and evaluate the associates. she's been transferred to another account. goodluck.

i know it's so bad of me to rant about a friend but i cant take her fucking blurbs anymore. taena talaga. i just dont like to be labelled as judgemental. bwaka ng ina naman oh. and what's  so hateful about that is that we're fine when we're together. so i thought everything's okay already. tapos may ganung blurb. wtf diba.

i have no idea if she's just tripping me or anything. but right now, im just so pissed off. potah.