journal of a struggling vet student

unequal land ownership remains the primary structural defect of this society.

sana maintindihan ko din ang mga libro ni haruki murakami.

i am annoyed. so fucking annoyed. someone in the office was just behaving so childishly and was accusing me of making her look stupid or something. which is so not the case. yes she had done mistakes and i pointed that out. but that's just the thing you do when so people wont make the same mistake right?! she accused me of using a quite mocking tone when i say things but wtf, that's the tone i employ since she and i are friends! i mean you go out to lunch and yosi breaks together. you know that carefree tone you use when you talk to your friends?! that's just it.

so now, she's blurbing fucking things about me being judgemental of her. me?! judgemental?! wtf. she transitioned to me an account whose dashboard is so oversimplified that essential info are missing, whose contents are erratic and insufficient. now i have to re-do the whole fucking thing and evaluate the associates. she's been transferred to another account. goodluck.

i know it's so bad of me to rant about a friend but i cant take her fucking blurbs anymore. taena talaga. i just dont like to be labelled as judgemental. bwaka ng ina naman oh. and what's  so hateful about that is that we're fine when we're together. so i thought everything's okay already. tapos may ganung blurb. wtf diba.

i have no idea if she's just tripping me or anything. but right now, im just so pissed off. potah. 

when im at loss for words

i resort to poetry

or something that resembles one

like at this moment

when fate decides that i see you

which is weird

i dont believe in fate

the root of my hiatus

stares at me through a camera

which somehow shades off the signiture smirk

that i both love and hate

love and hate

present tense

your camera is the metaphor

for every hellish night that surged back

the soul of every cigarette wasted

haunts me with evenescence

as you take my photo

but absence makes the heart forget

or does it?

im listening to jessica zafra's podcast right now. jeez.. why does she sound like that? i honestly expexted a more cecile licad-ish (that pianist) voice. not that i am disappointed. only that she sounds like an office mate who wanted every thing spoonfed and who's so good at whining. goodness.

most of the things she says are those that were already contained in some of her blog posts. cant she think of anything new to say? well..well..well..

ecstacy!!! my supervisor has finally made me sign the change status request form!! wahahahaha.. and finally i'll be receiving a significant increase in salary! ayyyeeeppaahh. so earlier, anna and apol were teasing me about treating them to jollibee (i am a self-confessed jollibee person, so is anna. apol isnt.). although id still get the increase next payday, i reluctantly obliged. (reluctant? waha.)

haay. exciting. sorry. dont feel like writing too much.

and oh. i bought michael cunningham's a home at the end of the world for 70 php. and a herman melville short story collection at 40 php. am soooo happy.

then i've finifshed absy's the book thief already. goooodness. the book is sooo fun to read and markus zusak's use of foreshadowing really made me finish it. plus i sooo liked that he used death as an impartial and omniscient narrator. galing-galing. haay. i hope to find more books with has Nazi Germany as its setting. (not the book of course. the story.).

yun lang.

au revoir tabulas. (shet parang diary lang.)

three years ago, my blocmates and i decided to finally quit being barbarians and join an organization. of course, it wont be a fraternity/sorority. that would be unfair to the homosexual population of the block (rodge and I :P). so we decided to choose among the academic organization of vetmed and jumped from one orientation to another. then we stumbled along an noisy organization whose orientation consisted of candles inside brown paper envelopes.

from afar, the sight was very appealing. at least in me, i felt a suddenly feeling to rush and go there. but since we did not want to appear over-eager, we acted blase. then they introduced themselves. it was love at first sight i have to say. i felt that the members were the very ones im looking for. although we had to leave early for another orientation, we came back to days after and intimated our desire to join the organization.

i swear. the whole on-boarding process was one helluvan experience! there was a time when i had to endure being mocked ang played at by members younger than myself (prexy) and be bullied the those older (yana and everyone else).  at first i really did not understand what the whole thing was for. but later on when had gotten in, i realized that the process was meant to take us out of our shells and learn the personality of the members--which i always go back analyzing whenever i try to understand how they go about things. but of course, the majority were kind. during the process, there were those who always reminded us that things are not really what they seem and that we'll understand someday. and yes, only now do i realize what they mean.

later on, the 10 of us- myself, absy, juls, rodge, aub, divine, reina, she, renz, by, mil- went through the most fun finals night ever (of course, twas our night). i was damn scared at first the freaking alumni were present and the people seem to go harsher by a notch! then after like 3 hours, we cried as they welcome the newbies to their family-my family. thinking about now, i cant help feeling nostalgic. she, by and mil have gone to agri already, divine has gone to nutri, rodge has gone back to samar,  renz has left the college. and yet...

haay. by the way, we were batch H20. i know twas weird. we had previously settled for another name and we decided to change it in the last minute. why H20? (do you still remember people?) because water molecules are bonded together through the H-bond. And the H-bond is the storngest of the three chemical bonds. Of course not to say that its molecules cannot separated. (and boy, we were able to rak that one into account weren't we <wink>?)

meet the batch h20:

absy: the intsik whom we really fought hard to share herself to the org. (which we succeeded in didnt we juls?)

juls: the  batch leader who got so pissed to the molecule who went away (wahahahahaha!, the silent hearththrob)

rodge: the prima donna who could do good if he wants to

aub: the petite lady who had the ___ of the ___ (fill in the blanks)

divine: the nutri-licious gal (that's a compliment)

reina: the silent heartthrob, the greatest teaser to walk on the surface of elbi

she: the darling, always with a ready smile

byrone: the post-Renaissance Renaissance man. or at least that's what he thought

mil- the guy we all secretly lust over (mwahahahaha)

renz- haay. i wished she stayed longer. the artist. makes uber cool graphics

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BATCH H20!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

i sooo luurve juno...

all young women who meet unwanted pregnancies should see this film. :)

ellen paige's a natural i swear.

michael cera's so damn good in a subconcious way, ya know what i mean?

the moment she entered the lab, i remember rose approaching her and asked her something. i was tinkering the PC and was trying to finish some task assigned by donna. i happen to overhear their conversation about Vegas and that was when I heard her employ her uber collegiala accent. i didn't like it at first. maybe i just have this thing about people who speak that way. those who speak that way in elbi are usually the ones alienated by the majority: those who give the impression of being patricians in a plebian laden elbi-world.

going back. that was the reason i seemed to distance myself from her at first. but i was observing her. later on, she would join the rest of the newbies during breaks. i was half-convinced that maybe she isn't as awful as i think she might be. but then there was the accent still.

it all ended the day the newbies went to jowees after a night's shift. the way she drank was still collegiala. her gestures were more collegiala. but i realized that despite all of these, she was genuine. all her animated kwentos entertained all of us and she knew how to listen. after that episode, i began feeling at ease with her. that was almost six months ago.

then earlier, she came in without her company ID. she had surrendered it the day before along with other requiremnets for company clearance. i wont forget that moment she hugged me tightly. then she said her goodbyes. anna and i couldnt contain the tears. she walked out the door and pranced her way out.

the days that were in between that day six months ago and yesterday--those days when janna was still going out to lunch with us, smoking with us, partying with us, and simply with us--will always be cherished.

au revoir janna--the party princess from Vegas.

in two days, my former ACE trainer will be relocating to bacoor to be a lab supervisor. not that i am sad, (of course neither that i am happy). i guess i just want to share something new about the lab. funny it is that in the middle of trying to write about something you'll realize that there has not been enough emotions that would fuel the whole effort.

oh well.

these pat weels i suddenly realized that i haven't been enjoying my salary at all. for the record: i still did not get the ACE coach pay. but that didn't stop me from downing a few bottles while singing my heart out together with some office friends. which was followed by a super heavy meal at some fast food chain. cost me around 800 in total. when i got home and actually divided the salry for the expenses, boom. i only had enough left for two week's allowance. i felt so pityful after realizing that i've been such a one-day-millionaire. before, my weakness had been books. now that i get to experience the party places Lipa has to offer, a considerable portion of my salary's been drained to these places. and i always go home feeling a pang of regret. this has to end.

starting this payday, i resolve to not going anywhere during the payday and allocating my salary to the expenses first. this would actually make me consider how much is to spent out for having fun. i dont want to end up wondering where everything went and worrying how to make ends meet with the dregs of my salary. hahaha.

shit. these really are not the things i want to say. haay.

okay. i have to say i'm quite happy that someone will finally leave. this is me doing such a bravado. i felt that ever since, this person did not really make everyone of us welcome. this person makes moves at her own time and it really bothers us when she'd be nasty at one minute and be nice at the next. but, could it just be me asking for too much? have i keeping a firm stand on how we should be treated as newbies and from the start, had i been the one who had been secretly wanting the dictate the rules? am i just jealous that she WAS the rule and that the whole lab actually revolves about what she says? maybe.

but i would never deny that maybe, there'd be some relief the minute she assumes her role as a lab supervisor. i mean, i dont wish her ill. i really wish her all the best because she us damn good at what she does. apart from scaring the hell out of the coaches. heehee. but i guess her absence would just enable most of us to crack out of our shells and somewhat expand our personalities more, no more scared to think about what she would think.

but i realized that her being like that had something to do with her being in the lab for more than a year and keeping ties with the tenured people of the lab. plus she is exclusive. what would happen to her there? will she be able to mute her personality and blend with the pre-existing atmosphere? or will she lay all her cards at once and exercise her old ways? i ahve no idea.

to you: thank you soo much for opening the avenue for me. until now i really had no idea how should i relate with you so i can only always hope that you'll arrive in a good mood. but i wish you all the best. i objectively believe that you are very good and the new lab is very lucky to have someone as competent as you. i hope you got the dandelion blurb. i hope we'll see again. :)   

leche. sana hindi puro french diba.

why the hell did i ever watch hidtory boys just now. ang ganda punyeta.

"..that is so fucking brief! i was looking fo someting more... lingering." ------> ayyeeeppaahh!

wahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

i love it!!!!! in manner of before sunset!!!!! even more!!!!!! waaaaahhh!!!!!!!!!