journal of a struggling vet student

aheehee. i'm currently going gaga over mariah's new song touch my body. wtf?! her lyrics has drastically gone to the dumps over the years and yet the melody never fades. she still gets my attention although the title is quite puerile. nevertheless, i am listening to it now and i'm in the modd of dancing to its melody. ahaha. nothing moves my booty the way our impong mariah does.

in other news. work's being a killer. i've been staying in the office late just "to keep the job done". the workload is something that reminds me of that television commercial with a mountain of dirty white clothes. only you substitute the clothes with myriads of microsoft office files. but notwithstanding, i love going to the office i must admit. although what i hate is going home late (my shift is from 12am to 9 am) because of the ruthless glaring sun. i stay mostly inside the lab in front of the computer though i go to the floor during coaching sessions. it's ironic that most of my time is spent doing evaluations than coaching. that will soon change when the whole job of call evaluation will be migrated to another department. we ace coaches can now concentrate on coaching and improving the ace metrics. yak, ampanget.

just recently, my POC enrolled me into a program for e-mail evaluation. so for four days i was listening to someone lecture over the speaker phone. Kaycee another ace coach, and I were bored to our rim during the whole time. although there were really interesting parts where we got to debate with some peple from other sites over matters grammatic in nature. o diba, ang vague. nyeta. before that, we were required to send an essay whose topic we had to choose among five choices. i really was not in the mood that night (excuse?! ahaha) so i did it minus critical proofreading. then to my surprize, i was informed that my essay didn't pass the evaluation. i was so naloka. parang nahiya ako sa sarili ko. i have always thought of myself as a sensible writer pa naman tapos ganun. kaines. here's worse, when i did a second essay, i just found out this morning that i had to re-edit it. and to my dismay, may mga errors nga. shempre hindi yung mga uber obvious naman. but humiliating enough since my errors concerned missing prepositions (its not what you think ha, yung mga pwedeng wala pero dapat pala meron. mga ganun neng.) and comma usage (same). nakakaloka talaga. and if i dont get certified, im going to take it seriously. siguro.  haay. i love ace na.

in other news ulit. it's been on news that the country is close to experiencing rice crisis. which is very ironic. but true. while we are an agricultural country, and were once rice exporters at that, it is almost paradoxical that we are experiencing rice shortage. well, to begin with we really don't know if there is a rice shortage, but looking at how people on TV flock NFA rice retailers, it is convincing enough to believe that there really is. in spite of the government's statements that negate the issue. assuming that there really is a shortage, why have we reached this condition? i heard from the news that this is becoming a worldwide trend. as more portions of land is reserved for biofuel crops, the portions alloted to foos grains decrease. tama nga naman. with the perpetually increasingd demand for fuel, even worldwide food supply becomes affected. anung gusto mo, sumakay sa jeep nang walang kinakain o maglakad ng busog? parang ganun. although the first part of the premise can never be true. kasi shempre when worse comes to worst, walang pipili sa gasolina kesa sa pagkain.

when i saw the farmers of nueva ecija, i though of agrarian reform. ewan. mejo off ba? hindi naman ata. o sige wag nalang yun. ang naiicip ko nang bago ay...elbi. charing. i think of poverty. especially to think that these farmers sell their grains only to buy it again at a higher price in the market. parang tanga ano? but true. for sure most of these people do not really own the lad they till. from what ive read from walden bello, (who gave a really brilliant discussion of agrarian reform in his book), these farmers receive a measly amount of products whenever they are called in to help during harvest time. so ayun, kaya may chorvang agararian reform. shempre, kung my agrarian reform, may cory. na may cancer ngayon. i dunno. is it the cosmos' retribution on the things which she could have done but chose not to when she was still president? i mean, she could have liquidated the country's debts especially when it was public knowledge that the administration before hers actually mishandled the loan. and dhe couldn have solved the underlying (anu ngang better term dun?, ultimate ba?) problem of landlessness but she chose to hand it over to congress, which were like vicious dogs that toyed on a ragdoll. (ay yak, dapat ganun ang metaphor? ampanget). kaya yun. until now, land ownership remains to be the underlying defect in our social structure. haay. kung ganun ang parusa kay cory, na mabait na sa paningin ng mga tao at least corrupt president daw, what more kay pomapadour at liliputian? cguro si pompadour tutubuan ng super fine na sores at mabubulok from the inside. tapos si liliputian, parang ganun kay pomapdour, kaso uuurin sya alive. eew. hindi ko na carry.

haay. iniisip ko nang mag-apartment. living alone for four years really grows on you and you somehow miss the feel of it. kaso putashet, ang liit naman ng sweldo ko. tapos ang mahal pa ng apartment. no matter how hard i tell myself that being a call center person is parallel to being poor in new york, i dont get to comfort myself. (kuha mo neng?) basta. gusto ko ng apartment. im going to fill it with books and dvds. dadaigin ko ang david lynch apartment nila jessica zafra date. speaking of jessicazafra, i swear to god i wont buy the eight twisted book. its not even one-fourth of the previous twisted books and yet it costs 250! holy kamowti. although aksi siguro i saw some flimsy glossy pages. but still. edi bibili nalang ako ng haruki murakami.

speaking of books. i've never re-read most of the books i bought. maybe im just in the mood. the last i read were two weeks ago naman. a fiction on alfred kinsey's life and a collection of short stories. TC Boyle's Inner Circle and  Annie Proulx's Bad Dirt. oaky yung una. although since hindi naman impressive yun concept, hindi spectacular. yung pangalawa ang sobrang entertaining. winner talaga ang short stories in annie proulx. nakakadal. i have yet to try murakami's, though i plan to buy blind willow, sleepin woman and the elephant vanishes apg nagkapera ako. after reading wind-up bird chronicle, mejo nawindang ako kay murakami. im beginning to think that i never really understood the subtexts of the novel. ganun din yung kafka on the shore. pero at least i got the feel of both novels. pero wala pa ring tatalo sa norwegian wood. ay labs it so much. champion, sabi nga ni janna.

ayan, wala na akong masabi, hanggang sa susunod nalang. namiss ko to ha infairness. :) 

unequal land ownership remains the primary structural defect of this society.

sana maintindihan ko din ang mga libro ni haruki murakami.

ang sabi ko sa note sa aking communicator:

i'm a train wreck waiting to happen.

ang tanong ni boss, bakit?

ganito. sweldo na nung huwebes nung isang linggo. matapos akong magtagal sa opisina nung may dalawang oras (na lagi ko namang ginagawa)  agad akong bumaba para magwithdraw. magwiwithdraw ako ng halagang sapat para bilhin ang koleksyon ng mga maikling kwento ni haruki murakami. laking gulat ko nang lumabas sa ecreen ng atm na ang aking winiwithdraw ay higit na mas malaki kaysa laman ng aking atm account. nawindang ako. habang nakapila pa naman ako ay nakita ko ang isa kong kapwa ACE coach at sinabi nyang malaki-laki ang sweldo sa cut-off na ito. ayun. windang talaga. highest level.

ngapunta ako sa bpi sa tabi ng rob para subukang muli. dahil parang edsa ang pila at bukas naman ang bangko, naglakas loob akong pumasok at nagtanong ako sa customer service desk nila doon. ang sabi sakin ni ateng teller: magpunta daw ako sa HCD ng kompanya at doon magtanong. bago umalis, kinumpirma niya ang sinabi ng atm na laman ng aking atm account: 63 pesos.

nang makabalik ako sa opisina, agad akong nagpunt sa HCD, nang hindi namamalayang ang HCD ay bukas lamang mula 10 ng gabi hanggang 7 ng umaga. how stupid. kinabukasan, nagsabi ako sa aking POC at inayos niya ang gusot. ang dahilan: napasama ang pangalan ko sa listahan ng mga terminated. ang konsolasyon: matatnggap ko ang sweldo sa special pay-out day, ngayong huwebes.

bakit train wreck waiting to happen? kasi hindi ako sanay ng walang pera kapag payday. masisisi mo ba'ko? i feel helpless. but good thing i counterpsyched myself good.

in other news.

i went to work early today. way too early. 11 am. just to attend to a scheduled group coaching at 1 pm. which was so stupid of me. i could have it set at the same time the day after. but i didnt. now that i ask myself why, i could not even grope for answers. maybe it was just me prioritizing what is convenient for other people than that to myself. anyway. when i tried to get through the revolving glass door, i found it eerie not to hear the familiar clink that it gives before it lets anybody go through. i realized why later: it wont let me pass. nakakaloka. so came manong guard to the rescue. after preliminary questions with regard to my reliability as an employee, i was escorted inside. when i made it to the ACE lab door, it wouldnt open den. so i called on to manong guard and profusely asked him to fix the card problem. it got fixed an hour later. then i coached the team.

in other news ulit.

my mom let me borrow some money good until thursday. of course on the condition that it had to be returned on thursday after i get my salary. and since you know that ive been itching for that murakami collection of short stories, i went out to buy it after the coaching session. haay. murakami is for me what coehlo calls a zahir. after browsing through some threa in peyups.com and having read norwegian wood, i was suddenly all-agog. although i know that i really do not understand the subtext of the whole novel, i still go and buy his works. blind willow, sleeping woman is the fourth murakami i had (im still reading it) and the first of his short story collections that ive read. murakami is not your usual author. he writes in fragments and the passes to the reader the painful task of stringing them together and make something out of them. but what really hooked me despite his unorthodox style is the atmosphere he creates whenever he narrates. pasok sa banga talaga. i dunno if that skill of his in creating emanating atmosphere is a hindrance to the reader in understanding the subtext. ewan. im speaking greek na naman. pero really, that is one of my wishes: to understand how murakami's mind works. o diba quixotic.

in other other news.

haay. usapan na naman ang bigas sa jeep na sinakyan ko papunta dito. gora na naman sa usapan ang NFA rice na sabi ng prof ko sa vetmed ay fit lang  for animal consumption. na sabi naman ng ale sa jeep ay masarap naman daw. at ang sabi pa ng naturang ale, may kakilala siya na naghahalo ng milled corn sa pagsasaing nga NFA rice. hahay. taggutom taggutom na naman ang hobby ng mga tao ngayon. naisip ko lang.

zsazsa padilla. until next time. :)

i bought another murakami last thursday when i finally got my salary. while i was browsing throught the titles, a book caught my attention. Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. I thought maybe that was the cosmic sign that i should go and give the book a try. i have a tattered copy at home and though i have attempted many times to browse through it, i always fall asleep everytime. but it really interests me a lot i should say. it doesnt fall into the religious books category. it doesnt really lecture on devils and their ways. it is a satire on devils and their ways. having read jessica zafa while growing, i found CS Lewis's tone quite similar to hers. champion. BTW. Screwtape Letters is basically a compilation of Screwtapes's (a devil holding a favourable position at Satan's government) replies to his nephew Wormwood (a neophyte devil). each reply would dwell on a particular subject and through them, the readers are drawn into how the devils' minds work. (although at the foreword of the author, he advised the readers not to believe the things Screwtape say. weird, but i think that the whole subtext of the foreword is comedy. haha.) but really, i dunno why i always fall asleep midway.

so going back to murakami. there. i bought sleeping woman, blind willow, Murakami's second collection of short stories. but the first one i've read. the stories are you know, very murakami. either they make you feel good at they screw your brains out. nakakaloka. a good thing about it though was it re-endeared murakami to me after i hated him for wind up bird chronicles. that novel was soooo diffused and it really made me feel like im a stupid reader. it also gave me the idea that maybe murakami is a better short story writer than a novelist. pero di ako sure. naisip ko lang. in the middle of reading the book, i realized how brilliant murakami is. yung tipong mapapacomment nalang ako ng: tangina naiisip niya yun? there. my favorite short story there would be man-eating cats. at dabchicicks. i really laughed my heart out after reading dabchick. haha.

then while browsing through NBS, i nearly shrieked when i saw the newer edition of Murakami's After Dark. Kasi.. mas mura. 300 lang. the older edition cost around 650. wtf diba? so id buy it later. ahaha.

in other news.

it was alarming that i havent watched the hews for a week now. i dont read the newspaper because its cost effficient. ahaha. i have moved to a hellhole boarding house and there wasn't a television. so wtf. wala tuloy ako macomment sa mga nangyayari sa surroundings. ahaha.

in other news.

a new trainer (actually she came back. she was an ACE coach before.) was added to the ACE team. Gladys. she is so fuckin loud literally and figuratively. and i like her soo much. ahaha. :)

in other news.

haay.. hello weekend!!!! finally, i get to sleep for 24 hours tonight! i dont have to wake up at the middle of the night and be weary of the time. tonight im going to hibernate and gather hours of sleep to be swindled again by work next week. ahaha. i love being an ACE Coach!!!